A Deep Hole in the Sidewalk

Melissa Killeen

Over the next few months I would like to share with you a series of short posts about my interactions with recovery coaching clients. I would like to share what happens during a recovery coaching engagement, the discussions that take place, what usually comes up for the client and how as a recovery coach I respond.

In previous blog posts, I have described working with a client who has relapsed. That the severity of the consequences of his relapse far exceeded any expectations he might have had really hit him hard. His girlfriend left him. He was discharged from his Intensive Outpatient Program. His Employee Assistance professional reported the relapse to his employer. And his mother will not answer his phone calls. He was sure that I would leave him, as well.

This is the time a client most needs a recovery coach to hold out their hand as that client slowly climbs out of the hole. Portia Nelson describes this process in her book, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery.

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost . . . I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it, looking at the hole.

Today, I walk down another street.”

I give this poem to my clients, if and, when they relapse and on each occasion of any future relapses. One of my clients received from me fifteen copies of this poem! Sometimes, often, a recovery coach has to sit back and watch their clients fall into that hole, until those clients decide to walk down another street.