Is your inner child sabotaging you?
Linda DeLuca February 14, 2011 –
A Story of the Brown Haired Girl
There is a brown haired girl sitting in the last row of Sister Magdalen’s 3rd grade class. She’s got her nose buried in a book and has her pencil at the ready to write in her composition book should someone come over to talk to her. These free periods are worse than the actual lessons. Most of the other students are huddled around one another’s desks chatting and giggling and some were drawing. But not the brown haired girl. She’s always alone.
Suddenly one of the girls comes from behind to ask the brown haired girl a question. “You’re a girl scout, right?”
The brown haired girl turns in her chair to answer “Yes”
“So how would I join if I was interested?”
“I guess I could ask my mom…..” Just then there was a burst of laughter in the front of the room. The girl asking the questions looked up over the brown haired girl and smiled, no laughed. The brown haired girl turned around to see two of her classmates hanging a sign up on the wall above the chalkboard and right behind the teacher. It was a sign directed at the brown haired girl.
Scope. Once in the morning does it.
The little brown haired girl was embarrassed. Hurt. Crushed. The stress and anxiety she experienced on a daily basis which led to her undetected the stomach ulcer was the cause of her bad breath. But she didn’t know that. All she knew was that today, she learned a valuable lesson. She established a truth she would carry with her into adulthood: Never trust anyone who is nice to you; Never trust those in charge (teacher) to protect you from harm.
The brown haired woman with a child inside
Jump ahead 30 years and you now have an adult, professional woman with trust issues. Lack of trust encourages fear and defensive behavior. So the woman whose role is to collaborate with project team members virtually hinders her own success by not trusting others she is actually isolating herself and negatively impacting her success.
In her mind, even as an adult, anyone that approaches with a kind word has an ulterior motive and cannot be trusted. Only after time does she build confidence in another person. But she does not always have time. Projects move quickly and teams need to collaborate on a moment’s notice.
Confidence vs. trust
There is a difference between trust and confidence. Confidence is given to another because of good reason, past experience, or evidence. Trust is given on a more intuitive level, and is more of an unquestioning belief in and reliance upon someone. Trust is given early. Confidence develops later. The delay is sabotaging the brown-haired woman’s ability to quickly develop collaborative relationships which is causing her to loose assignments.
Challenge: your trust story
I share this situation with you because we all carry stories with us from childhood that are sabotaging our success. My challenge to you is to examine your story about trust by asking yourself these questions:
• What is your story about trust?
• When did you first learn this story?
• When was the last time that you examined it?
• When was the last time you challenged your story?
• What do you need to trust someone?
• Make a list of what you need to trust someone enough to do business with them;
enough to become business partners; enough to risk your reputation on being associated with them.
• Is this realistic?
• Is your story still true?
• Or is it a story of a hurt and insecure child?
Trust is a critical factor in building relationships from connections. Building relationships is the cornerstone of any successful business or professional life. Take time to examine your trust story so that your relationships are built on solid ground.
What’s next: To change your trust story and be open to trusting others, you must first trust yourself.