Category Archives: Addiction

You are all mine – I am a love addict

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Melissa Killeen

“You are all mine.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“In a few months I will be back and we will meet.”

I talk like this all of the time. With every woman I meet. And with every woman I meet, I fall in love. I fall in love with the fantasy I make up in my head about them .  .  . and me. I love this energy: meeting women, falling in love, and finding the “one.” This energy happens with every woman I meet, and I meet about five of them a month. Sometimes more.

I meet them online. I meet them on Facebook or LinkedIn, not dating sites. Eventually we talk on the phone. This is where my master skills of seduction come in, because I coerce women to give me money. I am a scam artist. But really, I am a love addict.

My name is Phil. I was born in Germany, my parents gave me up for adoption, so I lived in foster homes in the 1950s and 60s. No love in those places. When I was 17, I started living on the streets of Berlin, performing as a street musician and begging for money. Eventually, I was able to attend a German boarding school, which is called gymnasien, thanks to a sponsor. This sponsor was very good to me. He was very wealthy. I was young, handsome and I fit into his fantasy. I gave him sex in exchange for an education. He fit into my fantasy: a savior, a father figure, and a lover. This sponsor helped me to attend the most prestigious university in Berlin for technical knowledge and I graduated with a degree in geological engineering. I was fascinated with the high-risk life in the oil and gas drilling fields. It was just like the high-risk life of living on the streets.

Eventually I went to England and took my masters in geological engineering and started working with an international gas drilling company. Now I find myself in North Dakota, with the most recent gas drilling boom. I act as a consultant to large gas firms. Or at least that is what I tell my women.

I focus entirely on them from the point I finish that story. I tell them they are very smart. They usually are. I know that because I am looking at their LinkedIn profile and can repeat everything that is on their resume. I have researched every online presence they may have from Facebook to Pinterest. Before long, I know their address, I have pictures of their house and their kids. The perfect woman for me is an empty nester, high-net-worth executive, self-employed businesswoman, without a significant other. They are lonely for a male to pay attention to them.

They can see my profile on LinkedIn. It is very impressive, international degrees, prestigious schools, and no way to track. I include photos, after all, I am a hottie. I snag a few photos from an appropriately aged guy’s Facebook page, along with those perfect family shots of my daughter and son. While I am creating a profile, I befriend a few of my woman’s Facebook friends to give me some credibility. I (alas) lost my wife to cancer seven years ago, and I haven’t dated since. I am grieving. My therapist told me I had to get out and meet someone. But I digress, the widow, the photos, the kids, the therapist . . . they are all stories too.

But one thing that is not a story is that I really love these women. I meet them online, I seduce them in emails and phone conversations and I really fall in love with them. I fantasize that “we” have found each other at a turning point in my life. I hope that “she” is the one. She is the one that I will find who will take me away from all this subterfuge. I can’t believe I could be so lucky to fall into this perfect relationship, for she is perfect and I can abandon this life and fall into her arms. From just a post on a group page of wine lovers, theater enthusiasts or Psychiatrists, I have found the one.

Phil’s story continues next week on August 6

 

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Bob Timmins – A Titan in the World of Recovery Coaching.

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Melissa Killeen

Bob Timmins, an addiction specialist who is credited with salvaging the lives of a long list of celebrity drug users by steering them onto the path of sobriety and helping them stay there, died of respiratory failure in 2008 at his home in Marina del Rey after battling years of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. He was 61 [i]. Though little known by the public at large, Timmins was a titan in the world of recovery coaching.

Some of his clients — members of the bands Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mötley Crüe and Aerosmith — have spoken publicly about Timmins’ role in helping them battle drug abuse. But most celebrities preferred anonymity, a request Timmins took pride in honoring. “Bob has helped everyone from the owners of sports franchises to heads of movie studios to Grammy-winning, internationally known music idols . . . as well as the most down and out homeless person who comes to him for help,” said Michael Nasatir, a friend, and a criminal defense attorney in Santa Monica, who worked with Timmins early in his career.

What Timmins knew about drug abuse, recovery and redemption was learned from experience

Robert Wayne Timmins was born in Los Angeles on Sept. 27, 1946, the son of a police officer. His mother suffered from paranoid schizophrenia, and when Bob was 9 years old, she attempted to murder him. Timmins was placed in foster care, by ninth grade he lived on the streets, was a heroin junky, and as  a convicted felon, he spent time in San Quentin. It was in San Quentin that Timmins met Danny Trejo, they were cell mates and prison gang members. These two were familiar with all forms of prison violence. Yet, it was Trejo that introduced Bob to the 12 step rooms. When Trejo left San Quentin, he told Timmins to look him up after his release. Four years later, expecting to start-up exactly where he had left off before entering San Quentin, Timmins showed up at Trejo’s doorstep. Danny Trejo took him to his house, and offered him a spare bedroom to stay in. When Timmins said “Come on, let’s do some things…” in response, Trejo took him to a 12-step meeting. Trejo introduced him to Eddie, his first sponsor, and the rest, let’s say is history. Bob Timmins credits Trejo and Eddie, with turning his life around. Eddie was Timmins’ sponsor until Eddie died with 47 years of sobriety. Timmins said “If I didn’t get a sponsor and jump into recovery, I wasn’t going to stay long enough to get anything” [ii].

In the years that followed, Timmins helped found and was involved with several organizations, including the CLARE Foundation, Cinco Swim Sober Living Home, the recovery centers Impact House and Cri-HELP in Los Angeles as well as the National Association of Drug Court Professionals. Early in his career he began working with troubled youths, including a young Jeff McFarland.

“I met him when he worked at a rehab hospital I was in,” said Jeff McFarland, who is now an attorney. “I was a 19-year-old drug addict and criminal, and he helped me turn things around. He had instant credibility. When you spoke to him, you knew that he had lived the life that you live. And he understood.” Today, McFarland is the chair of The Timmins Foundation [iii]. The Timmins Foundation is a nonprofit organization established in memory of Bob Timmins, whose work changed Jeff McFarland’s and countless other young people’s lives. The Timmins Foundation supports a “Bob Timmins Bed” that provides beds for inpatient treatment or residence at a sober living home for a year to clients that are unable to afford the entire cost on their own. The Timmins Foundation seeks to provide financial support for the early intervention and treatment of substance abuse, which Bob knew could prove to be the difference between a life well-lived and a life wasted. The Foundation goes into the community, seeking out young adults in need of treatment and building a sense of purpose for these young adults in post-treatment recovery [iv].

In courts across the nation, Timmins was an expert witness and a consultant in the development of treatment plans for addiction-related offenders. He assessed drug addicts before they went to trial, he advised them and suggested to the judge to place them into treatment instead of incarceration. Judges and lawyers paid Timmins for his expertise in selecting a proper program for a defendant, “but the amount we paid him was a joke compared to what he did,” said Bernard Kamins, who served as a Los Angeles County Superior Court judge from 1985 to 2007 and worked with Timmins in the California Drug Court system. “Here’s this guy who for $150 would get somebody straightened out. . . . He knew the right places to put people, and he gave them two things: hope and motivation. As a judge I couldn’t do that,” Kamins said. Timmins steered clients to 12-step meetings and helped them find sponsors. But Timmins did more, drawing from the people he knew and had helped in the past, he could put an addict in contact with a youth homeless shelter, admit them into a treatment center at no cost, introduce them to the president of a recording studio or aid in their admission into USC. Timmins was that type of guy.

Working with celebrities did not leave Timmins star-struck

In the entertainment industry, Timmins influenced the way recording labels treat artists by requesting amenities such as “safe harbor rooms”:  hospitality suites that are clean of drugs and alcohol. In the entertainment industry, drugs and alcohol were given freely to the artists to stimulate their creativity and as perks for their performance. As a recovering entertainer this was a very dangerous environment to be in, Bob changed this dynamic in the industry. After the 1995 death of Shannon Hoon of the group Blind Melon from a drug overdose, Michael Greene, president and CEO of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences announced the first industry wide symposium on the subject of drugs in rock and asked Bob Timmins to help. Beside “safe harbor rooms” and contractual guidelines that advocate sobriety, the symposium and Grammy.org helped Timmins and Howard Owens start the MusiCares Foundation, and MAP, the Musician’s Assistance Program, which provide assistance to musicians, including those suffering from addiction. MusiCares provides a safety net of critical assistance; services and resources that will cover a wide range of financial, medical and personal emergencies for music people in times of need. MusiCares celebrated 20 years in 2013.

In a 1991 article in GQ magazine; he said “I see them as human beings first. I see them in their pain and try to help them through a suicide attempt or whatever’s going on”[v]. Bob Timmins was one of the most influential foundational thinkers in recovery coaching, developing the concepts of sober companionship, recovery coaching and legal services coaching. Through the years he tirelessly helped rock star, millionaire or skid row addict with the same compassion and conviction, whether he was compensated handsomely or graced with a humble handshake and a thank you. Bob was a milestone in the recovery coaching movement.

Hear Bob Timmin’s AA Story, this is a must hear:

http://timminsfoundation.org/Speech2005b.html

 

References:

[i] Addiction specialist worked with celebrities OBITUARIES / Bob Timmins, 1946 – 2008 March 08, 2008| Jocelyn Y. Stewart | LA Times Staff Writer- jocelyn.stewart@latimes.com

[ii] Christopher Kennedy Lawford “Moments of Clarity: Voices from the Front Lines of Addiction”, Harper Collins NY

[iii] Addiction specialist worked with celebrities OBITUARIES / Bob Timmins, 1946 – 2008 March 08, 2008| Jocelyn Y. Stewart | LA Times Staff Writer- jocelyn.stewart@latimes.com

[iv] The Timmins Foundation, 865 S. Figueroa St., 10th Floor, Los Angeles, CA 90017. http://timminsfoundation.wordpress.com/2008/12/20/the-timmins-foundation/

[v] Addiction specialist worked with celebrities OBITUARIES / Bob Timmins, 1946 – 2008 March 08, 2008| Jocelyn Y. Stewart | LA Times Staff Writer- jocelyn.stewart@latimes.com

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Alcohol Kills One Person Every Ten Seconds.

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Melissa Killeen

The misuse and abuse of alcohol affect the lives, health and well-being of billions of people. A World Health Organization 2014 report stated the consumption of alcohol led to 3.3 million deaths around the world. In essence, the report says that alcohol kills 1 person every 10 seconds.

Shekhar Saxena, head of the World Health Organization’s Mental Health and Substance Abuse department, reports that there are roughly 3.25 billion people in the world that drink, and these drinkers consume an average of 4.5 gallons of pure alcohol a year. China is estimated to increase it’s per person, per year alcohol consumption ratio by an additional 1.5 liters of pure alcohol by 2025.

According to SAMHSA’s National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), more than half of all U.S. adult citizens drink alcohol, with 6.6% meeting criteria for an alcohol-use disorder.

One in 10 deaths among working-age adults aged 20-64 years are due to excessive alcohol use.

A CDC study, published in June of this year, found that nearly 70% of deaths due to drinking involved working-age adults, and about 70% of those deaths involved males. Nearly 88,000 people die in the U.S. from alcohol-related causes annually, making it the third most preventable cause of death in the United States. In 2013, fatal accidents involving an alcohol-impaired driver accounted for 10,076 deaths or 30.8 % of all driving fatalities.

Men are more likely than women to experience alcohol-related deaths. Although more women are drinking today as compared to 2012, of the 88,000 alcohol related deaths, approximately 62,000 were men and 26,000 were women. This study proclaims that excessive alcohol use can shortened the lives of working-age adults by about 30 years.

Alexandra Sifferlin for Time Magazine reported that harmful alcohol use not only leads to addiction, but it can put people at a higher risk of over 200 disorders like liver disease, tuberculosis and pneumonia.

Binge drinking can damage the frontal cortex and other areas of the brain

The CDC report shows that 16% of drinkers partake in binge drinking, which is the most dangerous form of alcohol consumption. Some of the risks associated with binge drinking are well known. It increases the risk for sexual assault, violence and self-harm. But the physical effects of such behaviors on the body are often not discussed. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), there’s strong evidence to suggest that regular binge drinking impacts executive functioning and decision making by damaging the frontal cortex and other areas of the brain.

According to the 2013 The National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), approximately 5.4 million people (about 14.2%) in the age range of 12-20 years, were binge drinkers (15.8% of males and 12.4% of females).

One in every four families are impacted by alcoholism

More than 10% of U.S. children live with a parent with alcohol problems, according to a 2012 study.

According to Herma Silverstein, author of the book; Alcoholism, one of every four families has problems with alcohol.

The CDC study also found that about 5% of the alcohol related deaths in the U.S. involved people younger than age 21.

In 2012, 58.3% of people who tried alcohol for the first time were younger than 18.

Drinking during pregnancy can cause brain damage to the infant, leading to a range of developmental, cognitive, and behavioral problems, otherwise called Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). People/children with difficulties in the following areas may have FASD or alcohol-related birth defects:

  • Coordination
  • Emotional control
  • Learning challenges
  • Socialization skills
  • Focus in class, holding down a job

These statistics are over powering and most definitely build an excellent argument to stop drinking, especially over this Fourth of July long holiday weekend. Please share these statistics with a friend, post on your social media pages, re-publish in your blog, or newsletter.


References used in this blog:

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) is one of the 27 institutes and centers that comprise the National Institutes of Health (NIH). NIAAA supports and conducts research on the impact of alcohol use on human health and well-being. http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-facts-and-statistics

Preventing Chronic Disease (PCD) is a peer-reviewed electronic journal established by the National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion. The mission of PCD is to promote the open exchange of information and knowledge among researchers, practitioners, policy makers, and others who strive to improve the health of the public through chronic disease prevention. http://www.cdc.gov/features/alcohol-deaths/

The National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) provides national and state-level data on the use of tobacco, alcohol, illicit drugs (including non-medical use of prescription drugs) and mental health in the United States https://nsduhweb.rti.org/respweb/homepage.cfm

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), is an agency of the U.S. Public Health Service in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. http://www.samhsa.gov/

Alexandra Sifferlin, (2015) What Drinking Does to Your Body over Time, Time Magazine, http://time.com/author/alexandra-sifferlin/

And

Alexandra Sifferlin, (2014) Alcohol Kills 1 Person Every 10 Seconds, Report Says, Time Magazine, http://time.com/96082/alcohol-consumption-who/

Silverstein, Herma. (1990), Alcoholism. New York: Franklin Watts http://allpsych.com/journal/alcoholism/#.VZQkhWPH_VI

 

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