Category Archives: Addiction Recovery Posts

posts about addiction and the recovery process

Passive Aggression Anyone?

Posted on July 29, 2012 by Michael

This week’s guest post is written by Heidi Grant Halvorson,PhD. Heidi Grant Halvorson is a rising star in the field of motivational science.   She is a an Expert Blogger for Fast Company, The Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, the BBC, the Harvard Business Review, and SmartBrief’s SmartBlog on Leadership.    For more on motivation, purchase her new book Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals or follow her personal blogs Peeling the Onion or The Science of Success, can be found at www.heidigranthalvorson.com  

 

One of my dearest and closest friends – my children call him Uncle Shawn – is hands down our favorite guest. He is a great storyteller with a bit of the devil in him. Quite a bit, actually. He makes us laugh until we cry.

 

Shawn lives in New York City. After teaching for a few years he is currently working on his Ph.D. For as long as I have known him, Shawn has suffered from two great shortages in his life, one being spendable cash and the other is patience with his mother. This very proper lady flew into JFK one day for an impromptu visit with her son, and very naturally expected him to come and fetch her from the airport. Shawn, like most New Yorkers, does not own a car. Resenting her visit in the first place, and minding very much the cost of a round trip cab fare in the second, he settled his inner conflict by picking her up in a U-Haul – the cheapest option available to him.

 

This is the only funny instance of passive aggression I know of. However, his mother didn’t think it very funny at all, which of course was his point.

 

A familiar passive-aggressive scene (perhaps all too predictable to some) is the husband who does not want to visit his in-laws this weekend, according to the long-standing plan. We will find him sitting in front of the TV until his wife and children are fully dressed and ready to go. His wife, having learned from experience that he will make them late again, had shouted reminders to him in regular intervals, while working on the kids and her own outfit. Not hearing any movement from the TV room, her shouts become more angry. At the door a furious argument ensues, or she may be crying about his indifference to her feelings. Either way, he is content. Making her miserable was the price she had to pay for “making him go.”

 

Passive aggression can often be seen in young children who are told to share their toys with siblings or other children. They will throw the wanted toy in the opposite direction, or hand over some less attractive substitute.  Or, among adults, it can be the recently cooked meal – now sitting in the trash can- waiting for the hungry person who forgot to warn he would be late. Or the colleague at work who drags his feet, because he doesn’t like to work on a team.

 

All these different behaviors occur when the perpetrator knows he or she really ought to do a specific thing or go to a previously agreed-upon place, because it is the right thing to do. Now they just resent having to do it. They will hold someone responsible and make them pay.  Payment can be extracted by making you late for something important to you, through digs and low-blows to your self-esteem, or even by deliberately embarrassing you in front of others. P**sing on your parade in some way will make things even!

 

The closeness of your relationship to someone who behaves this way toward you, the frequency with which it occurs, and the extent, to which they will go, will be the deciding factors in your response to it.

 

For the valued long-term relationship where this behavior is infrequent and only annoying, I recommend simply ignoring it.  Don’t take the bait! If you don’t give them the satisfaction they seek, they will eventually see it as a fruitless endeavor.

 

In other, more serious situations, ask yourself, “What is at stake here?”  Ignore it, confront it, or take a permanent walk?

 

Posted by Heidi Grant Halvorson. Heidi Grant Halvorson is a rising star in the field of motivational science.   She is a an Expert Blogger for Fast Company, The Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, as well as a regular contributor to the BBC, the Harvard Business Review, and SmartBrief’s SmartBlog on Leadership.  Her writing has also been featured on CNN Living. Heidi is also Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University Business School. For more on motivation, purchase her new book Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals (Hudson Street Press, 2011). Follow her personal blogs, Peeling the Onion or The Science of Success, can be found at www.heidigranthalvorson.com. Follow her on Twitter @hghalvorson

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5 steps to healing your financial regrets

Posted on July 20, 2012 by Michael

This week’s guest blog is by Seattle Money Coach, Mikelann Valterra. Mikelann Valterra has been a Money Coach/ Financial Recovery Counselor for over a decade. She is the author of Why Women Earn Less: How to make what you’re really worth. Mikelann has appeared on dozens of radio shows, television spots and in newspapers across the United States.

Recently I was deeply struck by a post called The Statute of Limitations on Regret– posted on the Get Rich Slowly blog. It was on the author’s reaction to a couple who was beating themselves up for the money mistakes they made. And now they are focused on just getting through the day, marking time and feeling depressed. Yikes.

Well, we all make money mistakes. And on top of our mistakes, we feel horrible about them. Do you struggle with being critical of yourself over a money mistake? Are you plagued with regret over what you did- or didn’t do? Do you keep thinking and thinking and thinking- swirling in a circle—wishing you’d done things differently?

To compound our woes, we rarely talk about them. When we make relationship mistakes, we often hash over the “I can’t believe I did that” with girlfriends over a glass of wine. But when it comes to money, we can be extremely self-critical—suffering pangs of regret and remorse- replaying our money mistakes over and over in our head– mostly in isolation.

Here is how to heal.

1. Talk about it! And name the regret. We all know that speaking our truth heals, so get clear about the regret… and tell someone. Whom do you trust with your regret? Who would not judge you but would simply listen and love you anyways? Be specific about what you regret.

“I regret incurring that $23,000 in credit card debt over the last few years.”
“I regret borrowing money from my friend 8 years ago and never paying it back.”
“I regret buying a house that I couldn’t really afford.”
“I regret not saving more money.”
“I regret taking out student loans and then not finishing school.”

Speak your truth out loud. This is healing. Many clients have “confessed” things to me over the years, and it is always healing for them.

2. Name the belief you were laboring under. What basic belief do you think fueled that behavior?

“I think I believed that I didn’t have to really care about my spending. My mom never did.”
“I guess I had this fantasy that I would make enough money to pay the loan back.”
“Well, I thought that my income would just keep going up forever.”
“I believed that I didn’t really have to think about the future, I was too wrapped up in the present. I believed that things would magically always work out.”
“I think I was at a loss as to what to do with my life, so I decided to hide in school for a while.”

Naming the belief is part of healing. Without naming the belief, it’s easy to repeat the mistake. And sometimes the other person can help you out. You can ask this trusted friend, “What do you think I must have believed in order to have done that? I can’t figure it out. I’m too close.”

3. Forgive yourself. Yes, you knew this was coming. But truly—you did the best you could with where you were at the time. And besides, you are human. To err is human, remember. And you ARE human. And there is a lot at stake here- so take heed—every study done on the subject of forgiveness tells us that not forgiving harms our health- emotional and physical. You are more prone to illness when you don’t forgive yourself. So can you imagine saying, “I need to move on for the sake of my health and my future self?” Some people have a hard time forgiving because they confuse it with forgetting. But they are not the same. You do not have to forget. You can use what happened as amazing fuel to move you forward. And you deserve to forgive yourself. What happened is one piece of your life, but it is not YOU. And remember that it’s a process. You can start by saying, “I am in the process of forgiving myself.” Repeat ten times a day, for a week.

4. Find the silver lining- so what is the silver lining? What did you learn? The school of hard knocks is hard, but it isn’t called a “school” for nothing. What would you do differently? If this hadn’t happened, might it have happened in the future in a bigger or different way? There is a learning here. Find it.

5. What are your new actions? There is good that can come out of this. You’ve learned some things. What are some new actions you can take that would make you feel better? Can you cut up your credit cards? Can you set up an automatic savings account? Can you put in place some new healthier ways to be with money? Do you need to talk to a mortgage broker or your CPA? Is it time to work with a money coach? Pick one action and move forward. It feels good.

Remember, to make mistakes is human. And making money mistakes does NOT define who we are. What we do about them, though, does say a lot. It is our capacity to see and learn and grow that makes us amazing human beings. Transforming and healing your relationship to money is a sacred journey, full of twists and turns at times. But it is a journey none-the-less. Is it time to forgive yourself so you can continue the journey?

This is a quest post by: Mikelann Valterra

 Mikelann Valterra has been a Money Coach/ Financial Recovery Counselor for over a decade. Her passion is to help professional women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. From eradicating debt to helping her clients build savings, conquer under-earning and cope with erratic incomes, she believes everyone can truly heal their relationship to money. She is the author of Why Women Earn Less: How to make what you’re really worth. Mikelann has appeared on dozens of radio shows, television spots and in newspapers across the United States. To read more about her private practice, go to http://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/

She can be contacted at:

Her web site is: http://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/about-mikelann-valterra

Phone: 206-634-0861

Email: mikelann@womenearning.com

Office Address: 1718 NW 56th St., Suite 306, Seattle, WA 98107

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Online Treatment

Posted on July 14, 2012 by Michael

Recently, I have been consulting with a not for profit organization using tele-psychiatry to conduct psychiatric assessments for clients presenting with co-occurring disorders (mental health and substance abuse) in rural areas of my state. I was impressed with how quickly this industry has developed. In a few short years, online psychiatry and therapy has ‘boomed’.

In 2000, the International Society for Mental Health Online approved a set of suggested guidelines to be used for online therapeutic services. In 12 years, software and equipment has been developed to meet HIPPA guidelines using high definition video through a secure, encrypted, video stream, made to run on a personal computer (3 years old or newer), with broadband/high speed Internet service, a fairly new webcam/microphone (the microphone is usually built-in with the newer computers) and a pair of headphones or iPod-style ear buds. Once this software and equipment became readily available, the market took off. By the way, if these technical descriptions blur your vision or cross your eyes, chances are your teen has this equipment on their desk at home.

Recently, a study by the NIH has determined that online social support networks have been identified as one factor that can help people resolve their problem drinking. Still a relatively new phenomenon,  sites are popping up offering online therapy, intensive outpatient groups, self guided recovery as well as social networking sites for individuals in recovery. Another trend is the online treatment sites developed by the large health-care corporations that also own residential treatment centers. These corporations are offering online treatment services as an important aspect of an aftercare program for their clients.

Being a forward thinking person, I though some of my readers would want to investigate online recovery options. Some of my readers may be interested in checking out these sites and consider online aftercare as an adjunct to their current practice.

Online treatment services provide the opportunity for alcohol and drug addiction treatment by trained experts via the Internet, in a way that is convenient, private and compliant with HIPPA regulations. This has the potential to bring treatment to individuals who are unable to access traditional treatment programs. As many addictions professionals know, aftercare is often the stumbling block for clients attempting to maintain their recovery. Online treatment options will explode the aftercare market offering immediate tools for those who want to maintain recovery after completing a residential treatment program. It provides many of the benefits of traditional treatment as well as includes group sessions led by addiction counselors, peer support and psycho-educational tools for recovery.

I have listed a few of the online providers for your review. As a disclaimer, this posting is by no means an endorsement. I was curious, did some research on what was out there and I thought I would share my research with my readers.

ONLINE PROGRAMS AND ONLINE COUNSELING

 

AlcoholDrugSOS Services Addictions Counseling Online (http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/) This site offers online answers to questions about drug and alcohol addiction, Online Alcoholism Addiction Recovery Support and DUI Evaluation Services for a fee based on the complexity of the question and online addiction counseling. All information and services are provided by a licensed addictions counselor, owner and developer of this company; Jan Williams, MS, JD, LCADC with 27 years of experience, who is also in recovery himself.

 

AndemTherapy.com  (http://www.andemtherapy.com/  ) Margaret Andem, LCSW is an African-American woman and a first generation Nigerian-American woman, who is sensitive to cultural issues regarding recovery. Margaret provides psychotherapy and counseling on addictions and other issues via the Internet, phone and in-person. Fees for live online chat or a telephone session are $1.50 a minute, for detailed email responses $40.00. Reduced fees are available on a case by case basis.

 

Bright Eye Counseling (http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/   ) Located in Great Briton, this is an online counseling and psychology service for people having problems with drugs or alcohol, including those concerned about bingeing and those considering rehab. Rather than a 12-step approach, it uses a cognitive behavioral approach to help people develop their own solutions. There is a choice of individual or group work with email options available. These sessions are supported by extensive downloadable resources which you can work on in your own time. Meetings are held in a private online chat-room once a week or more. The first session is available at a reduced rate of £19.50 (US $32), further sessions are £32.50 (US $51.98), a package of four sessions is £110 (US $181).

 

eGetGoing ( http://www.egetgoing.com/  ) eGetGoing provides online chemical dependency treatment using advanced telemedicine and eLearning technologies with Interactive Group Online Counseling Sessions led by experienced counselors. It provides online, real-time interactive audio- and video-based substance abuse treatment and has received accreditation from the two leading accrediting groups for behavioral health providers. In an interactive setting, group members talk to each other under the guidance of an experienced counselor who uses a treatment approach that is based on the 12-Step philosophy. eGetGoing.com is owned by  CRC Health Group, the largest for-profit provider of chemical dependency treatment in the USA and is located in the Silicon Valley, CA. eGetGoing.com is being offered at all of the CRC residential treatment centers as a aftercare treatment option.

The  eGetGoing Lifeline treatment program is designed for individuals who are seeking professional treatment for alcohol or drug dependency for the first time and those who need to strengthen their recovery. Experienced chemical dependency counselors provide an easy-to-understand introduction to the process of recovery and help clients establish building blocks for a sober lifestyle. Online sessions provide clients the opportunity to share and discuss personal feelings, ideas, and difficulties they may experience in early sobriety. The program includes an initial treatment period of 24 sessions over 12 weeks, an additional 52 weeks of aftercare through a weekly, counselor-moderated chat environment and one hour of individualized counseling, both at no additional cost. Fees are $399 per month for three months including one year of weekly aftercare groups.

 

Enterhealth ( http://www.enterhealth.com/residential/online-recovery-support )
Enterhealth’s medically driven alcohol addiction treatment and drug rehabilitation treatment offers personalized residential and outpatient programs at Enterhealth Ranch in Dallas, Texas.In addition, Enterhealth offers Enterhealth e-Learning courses that cover the different phases of recovery. The e-Learning course programs include after care treatment planning,  eLessons,
One-on-One Coaching
and Online Recovery Support.

 

Life Recovery Program ( https://www.liferecoveryprogram.com/ )Developed by a crisis/addictions/family counselor, Paul Radkowski is the recipient of the 2008 “Outstanding Addictions Professional Award” from the International Association of Addiction & Offender Counselors for the creation of the world’s first online all addictions recovery program. This online addiction recovery support program consists of bi-weekly video/audio workshops, practical tools, an interactive anonymous peer support forum, easy to follow homework exercises to help build recovery, and weekly and monthly supportive email follow-up for up to 6 months after the program to help you stay on track. The cost is $97.00 a month.

 

LionRock Recovery ( http://www.lionrockrecovery.com/  ) LionRock Recovery programs consist of assessment, treatment planning, case management and transition planning for ongoing sobriety support. Lionrock online intensive outpatient programs include group sessions meet four days each week for two hours each through video conferencing equipment. There is also an individual therapy session with your primary therapist each week and sessions which include your family or family of choice.

All together, the program consists of 12 hours of weekly treatment, including support group meetings. There is a choice of either a morning or an evening program. An interesting example of one of these video conferencing sessions appears on the web site. Each treatment plan is individualized making the program flexible. Pricing is as follows: Single month—$1,900; to three months —$3,900  range. The program was developed by Roland F. Williams, MA, LAADC, ICADC, NCACII, ACRPS, SAP, an interventionist and counselor specializing in addiction-related issues who was responsible for the psychiatric and chemical dependency programs as Director of Behavioral Health Services at Good Samaritan Hospital in San Jose, California. Lionrock Recovery is a division of Lionrock Behavioral Health, Inc. located in Mountainview, CA.

 

Online Substance Abuse Treatment  ( http://www.onlinesubstanceabusetreatment.com/ )
OSAT is located in Modesto, CA and is affiliated with several residential treatment centers. OSAT offers live online counseling: Three times a week over ten weeks, group members meet online under the guidance of an experienced addiction counselor to work on addiction recovery issues using cognitive therapy and the 12-Step approach. Counseling is available in 30 one-hour group sessions for $1,100 or 30 three-hour group sessions for $1,600. Meeting schedules are flexible. OSAT follows up the 10 week online counseling program with 42 weeks of alumni aftercare via online chat at no extra charge. Additional one-on-one live counseling sessions are available for $95 per 1-hour session for 12 months. OSAT offers self-directed (without a therapist present) online treatment, as well. This 30 to 45 day self-study course guides you through 30 chapters of an interactive workbook that contains information and exercises providing step-by-step guidance to help break the cycle of addictive behaviors. Each day a new chapter becomes available for download to your computer, where you can complete them in privacy, at your own pace, and on your own schedule. At completion of the course you will receive Certificates of Enrollment and Completion to show to your family, your employer, or a judge. You can also schedule live, one-on-one treatment sessions with an OSAT counselor for $95 per hour via two-way Internet video-calling (Skype), telephone, text chat, instant messaging, or email.

 

Power to Quit  ( http://www.powertoquit.org/  ) Each day for the duration of your recovery, you will receive more information and tasks to complete for that day. Based on the book “Art of Sobriety”, this  program works by creating, a step by step, strong foundation to prevent relapse, consisting of educational videos, over 100 homework- workbook assignments, motivational emails, one free telephone coaching call, webinars, podcasts and much more. Online recovery programs including: Alcohol, Substance Abuse, Pornography, Anxiety & Depression,  Eating Disorders and Overeating. Although there is 24 hour crisis support included, this is not an on line option for people seeking one on one sessions with a certified addictions counselor, or  therapeutic group sessions.

 

TeenGetGoing (https://www.teengetgoing.com/index.asp )This online substance abuse treatment program geared to the needs of adolescents was developed by the same clinical team that developed eGetgoing, Inc. TeenGetGoing is owned by  CRC Health Group, the largest for-profit provider of chemical dependency treatment in the USA and is located in the Silicon Valley, CA. In addition to educational information on alcohol and drugs, teens can join online treatment groups. Two programs are available. The Adolescent Group Treatment Program has 24 live group sessions online facilitated by an experienced counselor. These scheduled groups have 8 – 10 members and meet online twice a week to provide a full treatment program. The Awareness Program is a 12-session assessment and prevention program that teens can commit to on their own and does not have an online counselor or online  group therapy interactions.

 

RESEARCH INFORMATION ON SOCIAL MEDIA RECOVERY WEBSITES

 

Alcohol Help Center (http://www.alcoholhelpcenter.net/)
The Alcohol Help Center is an interactive web site dedicated to helping those who have concerns about their drinking. The goal is to promote interaction between people who have drinking problems and health professionals through social media. The site offers free tools such as a test for people to check their drinking, an interactive and personalized collection of exercises designed to help you make important decisions about your health, an online moderated support group and instant messaging between program participants around the world. Social support networks have been identified as one factor that can help people resolve their problem drinking. A relatively new phenomenon is online support groups, such as the one provided on the Alcohol Help Center (AHC). Preliminary use of the AHC support group has been researched, summarized and lessons learned in the initial development of an online support group have been published by the NIH at: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18022340

 

Disclaimer: Although the editors at MKRecoveryCoaching.com do not endorse nor accredit these organizations on the quality of their services, the editors at MKRecoveryCoaching.com want their constituents to know about the developing world of online and interactive therapeutic services that are available to recovering addicts.

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