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5 steps to healing your financial regrets

Posted on July 20, 2012 by Michael

This week’s guest blog is by Seattle Money Coach, Mikelann Valterra. Mikelann Valterra has been a Money Coach/ Financial Recovery Counselor for over a decade. She is the author of Why Women Earn Less: How to make what you’re really worth. Mikelann has appeared on dozens of radio shows, television spots and in newspapers across the United States.

Recently I was deeply struck by a post called The Statute of Limitations on Regret– posted on the Get Rich Slowly blog. It was on the author’s reaction to a couple who was beating themselves up for the money mistakes they made. And now they are focused on just getting through the day, marking time and feeling depressed. Yikes.

Well, we all make money mistakes. And on top of our mistakes, we feel horrible about them. Do you struggle with being critical of yourself over a money mistake? Are you plagued with regret over what you did- or didn’t do? Do you keep thinking and thinking and thinking- swirling in a circle—wishing you’d done things differently?

To compound our woes, we rarely talk about them. When we make relationship mistakes, we often hash over the “I can’t believe I did that” with girlfriends over a glass of wine. But when it comes to money, we can be extremely self-critical—suffering pangs of regret and remorse- replaying our money mistakes over and over in our head– mostly in isolation.

Here is how to heal.

1. Talk about it! And name the regret. We all know that speaking our truth heals, so get clear about the regret… and tell someone. Whom do you trust with your regret? Who would not judge you but would simply listen and love you anyways? Be specific about what you regret.

“I regret incurring that $23,000 in credit card debt over the last few years.”
“I regret borrowing money from my friend 8 years ago and never paying it back.”
“I regret buying a house that I couldn’t really afford.”
“I regret not saving more money.”
“I regret taking out student loans and then not finishing school.”

Speak your truth out loud. This is healing. Many clients have “confessed” things to me over the years, and it is always healing for them.

2. Name the belief you were laboring under. What basic belief do you think fueled that behavior?

“I think I believed that I didn’t have to really care about my spending. My mom never did.”
“I guess I had this fantasy that I would make enough money to pay the loan back.”
“Well, I thought that my income would just keep going up forever.”
“I believed that I didn’t really have to think about the future, I was too wrapped up in the present. I believed that things would magically always work out.”
“I think I was at a loss as to what to do with my life, so I decided to hide in school for a while.”

Naming the belief is part of healing. Without naming the belief, it’s easy to repeat the mistake. And sometimes the other person can help you out. You can ask this trusted friend, “What do you think I must have believed in order to have done that? I can’t figure it out. I’m too close.”

3. Forgive yourself. Yes, you knew this was coming. But truly—you did the best you could with where you were at the time. And besides, you are human. To err is human, remember. And you ARE human. And there is a lot at stake here- so take heed—every study done on the subject of forgiveness tells us that not forgiving harms our health- emotional and physical. You are more prone to illness when you don’t forgive yourself. So can you imagine saying, “I need to move on for the sake of my health and my future self?” Some people have a hard time forgiving because they confuse it with forgetting. But they are not the same. You do not have to forget. You can use what happened as amazing fuel to move you forward. And you deserve to forgive yourself. What happened is one piece of your life, but it is not YOU. And remember that it’s a process. You can start by saying, “I am in the process of forgiving myself.” Repeat ten times a day, for a week.

4. Find the silver lining- so what is the silver lining? What did you learn? The school of hard knocks is hard, but it isn’t called a “school” for nothing. What would you do differently? If this hadn’t happened, might it have happened in the future in a bigger or different way? There is a learning here. Find it.

5. What are your new actions? There is good that can come out of this. You’ve learned some things. What are some new actions you can take that would make you feel better? Can you cut up your credit cards? Can you set up an automatic savings account? Can you put in place some new healthier ways to be with money? Do you need to talk to a mortgage broker or your CPA? Is it time to work with a money coach? Pick one action and move forward. It feels good.

Remember, to make mistakes is human. And making money mistakes does NOT define who we are. What we do about them, though, does say a lot. It is our capacity to see and learn and grow that makes us amazing human beings. Transforming and healing your relationship to money is a sacred journey, full of twists and turns at times. But it is a journey none-the-less. Is it time to forgive yourself so you can continue the journey?

This is a quest post by: Mikelann Valterra

 Mikelann Valterra has been a Money Coach/ Financial Recovery Counselor for over a decade. Her passion is to help professional women escape the money fog, feel more in control of their finances and love their financial life. From eradicating debt to helping her clients build savings, conquer under-earning and cope with erratic incomes, she believes everyone can truly heal their relationship to money. She is the author of Why Women Earn Less: How to make what you’re really worth. Mikelann has appeared on dozens of radio shows, television spots and in newspapers across the United States. To read more about her private practice, go to http://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/

She can be contacted at:

Her web site is: http://www.seattlemoneycoach.com/about-mikelann-valterra

Phone: 206-634-0861

Email: mikelann@womenearning.com

Office Address: 1718 NW 56th St., Suite 306, Seattle, WA 98107

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Hit Bottom? Time to Get Up!

Posted on March 10, 2012 by Michael

This week’s guest blog is written by Craig Ing, an International Performance and Personal Development Consultant and writer for the Huffington Post. For over 20 years Craig has been working with professional athletes, individuals and corporations focusing on developing, increasing and maximizing high performance as well as creating harmonious environments. You can contact Craig at: craig@craiging.com or visit his web site: http://www.craiging.com/

When I started writing for The Huffington Post, I considered working my articles up to a crescendo full of helpful steps. Setting the stage with the first few articles, where I would cover some basic principles of living life, followed by increasingly intense topics tackling everyday issues head on. However, I have been receiving emails from readers that have caused me to reconsider this approach. So I’m throwing away the slowly but surely style, and jumping straight in to try and provide some much sought after guidance. So where do I start? At the bottom, of course.

Hitting rock bottom is a scary and often confusing time. It is that moment when nothing makes sense, and you cannot understand or interpret your own thoughts, let alone the circumstances you find yourself in. It is the moment when you don’t know which way to turn to get help, or even if there is any help to be had, whilst all the while not really sure whether you even need that help. It brings powering feelings of being alone, yet standing in the brightest spotlight with everyone looking at you. You feel so apart and distant from yourself that it is hard to contemplate that your own heart, arms or legs are even part of you. Previously perceived small, simple tasks feel like climbing Everest. You know when you hit bottom.

However, the first thing to realize about “the bottom” is that everyone has a different threshold as well as definition for it. Secondly, that threshold and definition will keep changing through your life as you experience more and more challenging circumstances. The “benchmark,” as I call it, will evolve as you get older. When you were a child, hopefully the worst thing you experienced was falling over or falling off your bike. Then a few years later, your benchmark may have been altered to when your boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you. Later still, you may have lost your job and had to deal with the challenges that introduces.
And so your benchmark keeps changing. What doesn’t change though is the feeling of utter shock, confusion, fear and all consuming distress that is always present at the bottom. Have you heard the expression “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” I truly believe that as your benchmark changes, so too does your ability to “deal and heal.”
Was I better prepared to deal with my sister’s tragic death because I had already experienced my dad dying? Was I better prepared for my dad dying because I had already experienced my parent’s divorce? Was I better prepared for my parents divorce because I had experienced break-ups in my own relationships and could understand that sometimes things don’t work out?

My first article was about preparing for suffering, and whilst this is really great advice to put into practice, I do know that it does not help those people already dealing with such challenging circumstances. It does not help people get out of the dark holes they are finding themselves in right now. When I work with new clients, we first focus on creating a stable, happy existence. To achieve that we must deal with anything current that is even slightly putting our sensitive scales of happiness out of balance. I say again, preparation is the key to future suffering but we must deal with the here and now. So below are the pointers I provide to clients to help start the “dealing, healing process:”

  • Give yourself a break. This is about creating a mental attitude where it is okay to be confused, to be scared, to not understand. Just because your situation may not be as serious as being diagnosed with a terminal illness, it does not mean you don’t have the same mountain to climb to deal with your particular present circumstances. Just because you have an alternative benchmark, does not mean you are not allowed to feel the same feelings and have the same emotions as someone with a terminal illness. Forget what others may be dealing with and allow yourself to deal and heal with your own suffering, your own benchmark. If you have lost your job, very quickly the mental conveyor belt will sprint a race towards “not earning an income equals not paying your bills equals losing the house equals losing your family”. This is very similar for those diagnosed with a terminal illness, with the exception that they also have the mortality perspective to deal with. Giving yourself a break means allowing yourself to prioritize your own challenges and take steps towards dealing and healing. If you ignore your own plight with the view that “what have I got to be moaning about,” you will definitely create a deeper seated issue to bite you later. Give yourself a break!
  • An alternative perspective. It is very important that you focus on the positives and on alternative perspectives when trying to deal with challenging circumstances. It allows you to envisage that things could be worse. Preparation is by far the best tool for proactively helping you deal with future suffering, however, we do not all have the luxury of “future suffering” as we are dealing with it right now. So a slight change to the technique can also be used when in the motions of dealing with something in the here and now. By focusing on finding out how your particular situation could be worse, you are in effect altering your benchmark in real time. This step allows you to gain a little positivity in the absolute present because you know that the situation is not as bad as it could be. It does not matter what you are facing at any time, if you have not prepared for it, you can definitely find some elements that could be worse. From a little positivity you can produce life changing or situation altering results. An alternative perspective creates positivity.
  • Move and Do. Nothing is going to change if you don’t create movement. So from a position of positivity, even if created in real time, you will find yourself more capable of making a change. You must put one proverbial foot in front of the other to better your situation. Move and do, and your situation is at least in danger of becoming a better place in which to live.

I am under no illusion how tough things are right now; that is precisely why I am focusing on providing some guidance that will hopefully make a difference. If you have lost your job and have applied for 50 vacant positions without success, I know how hard it can be to post another application with any amount of positivity. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up when it feels like the banks and financial industries around the world not supporting us, and the governments not implementing any real support policies that make a difference to the people on the street. But, things will not change in your own individual playground by itself.

Create a positive place by considering an alternative perspective and move!

Craig Ing, is an International Performance and Personal Development Consultant and writer for the Huffington Post. For over 20 years Craig has been working with professional athletes, individuals and corporations focusing on developing, increasing and maximizing high performance as well as creating harmonious environments. Visit Craig’s web site at: http://www.craiging.com/

Craig would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment or send Craig an email at craig@craiging.com.

Follow Craig Ing on Twitter: www.twitter.com/craiging

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Using the Power of Kundalini Yoga as a Resource for Recovery from Addiction by Guest Blogger Fred Haas

Posted on December 16, 2011 by Michael

Using the Power of Kundalini Yoga as a Resource for Recovery from Addiction
Part 1
By Fred Haas

Fred Haas is an engineer, spiritualist and a recovery coach from Texas. His blog post presents information about the use of kundalini yoga as a resource for recovery from addiction.

Kundalini yoga can be part of the core strategy in a recovery plan or it can be an added tool to supplement and enhance 12-step recovery. For the purposes of this blog this article is divided into two parts. The first part (this week) provides some background information on kundalini, kundalini yoga, and kundalini yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan. The second part of the blog (next week) provides information on kundalini yoga and addiction recovery, kundalini yoga meditation, kundalini yoga kriyas and additional resources for further exploration of the topic.

Kundalini Activation and Effects

Kundalini energy or spiritual energy is a psycho-spiritual energy of the consciousness that lies at the base of the spine in a latent form as a sleeping, dormant, potential force. Kundalini is described as a great reservoir of creative energy. It is useful to think of Kundalini energy as the very foundation of our consciousness so that when kundalini moves through our bodies our conscious body naturally changes with it. Kundalini energy is a most innate and essential part of spiritual advancement, unfoldment, or realization.Kundalini energy is aroused either through spiritual discipline or spontaneously to bring new states of consciousness, including mystical illumination.

The arousal of Kundalini energy takes place in the subtle body. The subtle body consists of nadis (energy channels), chakras (psychic centers), prana (subtle energy), and bindu (drops of essence). In yogic anatomy, awakened Kundalini rises up through the central nadi called the sushumna. The sushumna is the central channel and conduit for the kundalini energy that runs inside or alongside the spine and up to the crown of the head. There are seven major chakras located along this central channel. These chakras are associated with aspects of our anatomy. They are the root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye and crown chakras. In essence, these chakras are psychic centers in our own human physical forms that, when activated by Kundalini energy, connect us to spiritual energies, and ultimately to the divine.
To summarize the chakras briefly, the first chakra (root) is associated with the color red and with basic root power, pure potential energy. The second chakra (sacral) is associated with the color orange, and with sexual and creative energy. The third chakra (solar plexus) is associated with the color yellow and with emotions, feelings and intuition. The fourth chakra (heart) is associated with the color green and with feelings of love, unity and balance, as it is the midway point between the upper and lower chakras. The fifth chakra (throat) is associated with the color light blue and with the voice and personal expression. The sixth chakra (third eye) is associated with the color indigo, or a deep blue, and with the eyes and with spiritual sight and visions. The seventh chakra (crown) is associated with the color purple (a combination of red, the root chakra and deep blue, the sixth chakra) and with oneness and enlightenment, and a connection to the rest of the universe.
The progress of kundalini through the different chakras leads to different levels of awakening and mystical experience, until the kundalini finally reaches the top of the head, the crown chakra, producing an extremely profound mystical experience. Our experience of these centers is limited due to knots which restrict the flow of energy into these centers.

Kundalini can be awakened by an indirect or direct path. Indirectly kundalini can be awakened by devotion, by selfless service, or by intellectual inquiry. Through these paths the blocks to the awakening of kundalini are slowly removed. Directly kundalini can be awakened when initiated by a guru after which the core of the practice is the inactive and non-willful surrender to kundalini or by using intentional yogic techniques that use the will to awaken the kundalini and to guide its progress. These intentional yogic techniques include Mantra Yoga, Hatha Yoga, Laya Yoga or Kriya Yoga.

All of Yoga actually leads to the activation of Kundalini. The ultimate outcome of kundalini is the union of Will, Knowledge and Action (The Absolute).

Kundalini awakening takes different forms for different people. The differences can range from experiences of pure bliss to extreme inner challenges. It can result in a wide array of sensations. The more pleasant experiences associated with a kundalini awakening may include waves of bliss, periods of elation, and glimpses of transcendental consciousness. The less pleasant experiences associated with a kundalini awakening may include trembling, sharp aches in areas associated with the chakras, periods of irrational anxiety, and sudden flashes of heat.

Kundalini energy is like a power wash that cleanses the chakras of any blockages or disturbances, and brings them back to their full, vibrating potential. Once the power wash is switched on it can not simply be turned off so this intense cleansing continues until the body adjusts. Once the energy is gushing forth, rising up the chakra system, it will come into contact with each of the chakras. If it is met with resistance in the form of blockages from psychological debris and unconscious material then the kundalini energy will wash away the cover and expose the raw unprocessed intimate core of the matter. As a result, even in the best of circumstances, the joy associated with the awakening of kundalini is likely to be attended with a certain amount of anxiety as kundalini wrests control from the ego and unconscious contents spill over into consciousness.

There are things that improve this situation. First a knowledgeable teacher makes a difference. A supportive environment of fellow practitioners who have undergone the same awakening can provide comfort and confidence. Finally, a strong and resilient mind capable of coping with this sudden burst of unconscious material will help.

Also, there may need to be some integration of the effects of these experiences into the body and personality. This is a time when stabilizing actions are important, including daily exercise, wholesome food, reparative sleep patterns, and healthy relationships with others.

Kundalini Yoga

The earliest known written mention of Kundalini Yoga is in the Yoga-Kundalini Upanishad. Some have estimated that the composition of this text dates back between 1,400 and 1,000 BC. The origins of Kundalini Yoga come from the Kashmir region of India. During the thousands of years Kundalini Yoga existed in India its teachings were restricted and maintained as a secret oral tradition to protect the techniques from being abused.

Kundalini yoga is the yoga of awareness. It incorporates physical, mental and spiritual aspects of yoga into a cohesive and integrated system. It is considered an advanced form of yoga that consists of active and passive asana (yoga posture) based kriyas (protocols for different issues), pranayama (breath control), mantra (sound) and meditations that target the whole body system (nervous system, glands, mental faculties, chakras). The asanas focus on naval activity, activity of the spine, and selective pressurization of body points and meridians. Pranayama and the application of bhandas (3 yogic locks) aid to release, direct and control the flow of Kundalini energy from the lower centers to the higher energetic centers. This practice raises the complete body awareness and thereby prepares the whole body system to handle the energy of the Kundalini rising.

Kundalini yoga develops awareness, consciousness and spiritual strength. The purpose of Kundalini yoga is for humans to achieve their total creative potential. It cultivates the creative spiritual potential of a human to uphold values, speak truth, and focus on the compassion and consciousness needed to serve and heal others.

Kundalini Yoga as Taught by Yogi Bhajan
Yogi Bhajan brought Kundalini Yoga from India to the west in 1968, and taught extensively until his death in 2004. He began training in Kundalini Yoga when he was eight years old, and mastered this discipline at age sixteen.

Yogi Bhajan broke the ancient tradition of secrecy and introduced Kundalini Yoga to the West. Kundalini Yoga had never been taught anywhere publicly before this time. Yogi Bhajan started teaching kundalini yoga because he saw that thousands of young people were using drugs in search of higher consciousness. He offered an alternative to the drug culture. He knew kundalini yoga would give seekers a real experience of God within, and help heal their mental and emotional problems as well as the physical bodies that had been damaged by the use of drugs.

Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan® is a formalized style of yoga. A class typically consists of six major components: 1) tuning-in with the Adi Mantra, 2) pranayam or warm-up, 3) kriya, 4) relaxation, 5) meditation and 6) close with the blessing song, “May the Long Time Sun Shine Upon You”. The kriyas are complete sets of exercises that are performed in the specific sequences and directions given by Yogi Bhajan. Yogi Bhajan established the 3HO (Healthy, Happy, Holy Organization) foundation in 1969 to further his missionary work.

Next week this blog post with continue with part 2 and discuss kundalini yoga and addiction recovery, kundalini yoga meditation, kundalini yoga kriyas and additional resources for further exploration of the topic.

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