Category: Recovery Coaching

Believe Change is Possible

Melissa Killeen

As a recovery coach, I work with people trying to change a habit. We work on finding different ways of responding to a trigger. For some seeking recovery, they want to find an easier, softer way. Others think willpower is all they need to get sober. But that doesn’t always work. As Charles Duhigg describes in his book, the Power of Habit, for a habit to be changed, people must believe change is possible.

Where does this belief come from? Habit change can emerge from a tragedy or from some kind of adversity. Many addictions have been successfully abandoned when an individual hits bottom and finally seeks treatment. Many people give up smoking after a diagnosis of heart disease or when a family member is being treated for lung cancer.

A Harvard study in 1994 examined people that had radically changed their lives. Some had experienced the death of a loved one, divorce or life-threatening illness. Others radically changed their life from observing a friend experience a disaster. Tragedy plays an important part of having an impact on one’s life. But equal to tragedy facilitating change, the same amount of people made change happen in their life because they were surrounded by supportive friends that encouraged change. The Harvard study sites a woman that changed the direction her life when she took one psychology course at a local college and found a group of like-minded individuals. Another man came out of his introverted shell when he joined an acting group. So for change to happen for many, it didn’t take a life shattering event, it simply took a community of believers.

“Change occurs among people”

–Todd Heatherton, Dartmouth College Lincoln Filene Professor

A community of non-smokers talk about how great it feels like to be a non-smoker. How nice it is not to have your hair smell like an ashtray. Your spouse commented on how fresh his clothes smell, now that you have stopped smoking. And co-workers admire you for having the strength to stop smoking. These like-minded people can also resolve some negative feelings, as well. Such as what to do after a meal, when the habit of lighting up a Marlboro is the most strong. Or how to refrain from smoking in your car. These friends are there for you to call, text or email whenever the urge to smoke becomes unbearable. Support from a community and their confidence in you, bolsters the strength you need to believe you will not pick up a cigarette.

For habits to change permanently, people must believe change is possible. This same process makes any mutual support group very effective – the power of a group to teach individuals that they can believe it is possible to change. This belief happens when people come together to help one another to change. Whether the group is Nicotine Anonymous, a breast cancer support group or massive amounts of volunteers descending on New Orleans, post Katrina, to re-build the city to it’s former glory.

Change is easier when it occurs within a community.

December 17, 2015
Changing a Habit
Quitting drinking or drugging is the same as developing an exercise program or winning a football game. Simply by changing a habit, you can succeed in staying sober.

Charles Duhigg investigates this theory in his 2012 book, The Power of Habit. Duhigg uses the classic example of how Bill W., founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, stopped drinking. He expands on this tale, by adding current research verifying the power of believing that the 12-step concept gives an individual the strength to quit a habit.

In his book, Duhigg outlines the addictive process for the reader and asks them to answer these questions:
1. Identify the Craving
2. Identify the Cue or Trigger
3. What Routine does that kick in?
4. What Reward do you receive from completing that routine?
Yes, many recovering alcoholics will say the answer to #1 is “I am craving alcohol,” but that isn’t necessarily the correct answer. Perhaps the alcoholic is lonely and craves camaraderie, old friends, or being social. Perhaps the alcoholic doesn’t want to spend the evening in his apartment all alone, eating another microwave dinner. So for this recovering alcoholic, his answers to Duhigg’s questions may look like this:
1. Identify the craving — Not being alone.
2. Identify the Cue or Trigger — On my way home from work, I drive by my favorite bar, thinking about stopping in to see some friends.
3. What routine does that kick in? — Stop into the bar, see my friends, and order dinner and a beer.
4. What reward do you receive from completing that routine? — Happy spending time with old friends, and having a better meal than a microwave dinner.
So, we all know how that evening ends.

Duhigg’s suggestions on changing a habit is as simple as substituting a new routine. Yes, the cravings and cues remain the same, and the reward remains the same, as well. The reward, for our alcoholic friend, is spending time with friends. Here is a suggestion for our friend:
1. Identify the craving — Not being alone.
2. Identify the Cue or Trigger — Thinking about seeing some friends.
3. What routine does that kick in? — Go to an AA meeting which is on my way home, that starts at 6:00pm, and see some friends.
4. What reward do you receive from completing that routine? — Happy spending time with friends.
Let’s try this concept on another addiction, such as smoking. I personally have struggled to stop smoking since 2014. I found that I didn’t really crave the act of smoking, I hate the smell and the taste it leaves in my mouth. My craving was to be social. So this is my outline using Duhigg’s Theory of Habit Change.

It is 3:00pm, and I am sitting at my desk. I would like to take a break, and see what my smoking buddy Chiquita is doing. Here is the scenario:
1. Identify the craving — Time for a break from work to socialize.
2. Identify the Cue or Trigger — Its 3:00pm, usually I have a smoke with Chiquita.
3. What routine does that kick in? — Go to Chiquita’s office to ask her to come out to the smoking area, for a smoke.
4. What reward do you receive from completing that routine? — Happy spending time socializing.
What do I do to turn around that routine in order not to smoke?
1. Identify the craving — Time for a break from work to socialize.
2. Identify the Cue or Trigger — Its 3pm, usually I have a smoke with Chiquita.
3. What routine does that kick in? — Option #1 Go to the cafeteria and get a cup of tea, or bottle of water and socialize with the people there. Option #2 — Pop a mint into my mouth, and go down the hall to say hello to a friend that I also have to ask a work question.
4. What reward do you receive from completing that routine? — Happy spending time socializing.
In all of these scenarios, the craving, cue and reward remain the same. The only thing that changes is the routine. As a recovery coach, this is one of the first lessons we teach our clients. Change your routine.

Don’t drive by the bar

Don’t dial the old girlfriend.

Don’t hang out with a drugging buddy

Don’t visit your smoking friend’s desk.

Change your routine.

I know, you are thinking about how difficult changing a routine is. Well, Duhigg knows a few more “tips” to ensure this routine sticks. I will be discussing these tips in my next post.
December 10, 2015
On the Nature of Addiction and the Loss of Hope

Guest post by David Chapman

The normal state of a productive and happy human existence includes a sense of hope. The nature of addiction exhausts all sense of hope. The sense of hope is based on the understanding that the process of productive effort usually results in some observable, measurable improvement in the quality of one’s life and the lives of those important to the individual. The nature of having an addiction means the loss of this hope.

“I will restore my own sense of hope. I know if I exert control over my environment and my actions I will regain control of my life and I will have reason to be hopeful once more.”

If I chop some large amount of dry wood and keep it dry, my family and I will be warmed throughout the winter, our ability to survive the winter and the possibility of our thriving in the spring will be augmented. The hope of minimizing suffering, increasing comfort and sustaining enhancements in the quality of our lives is significantly based on the belief that the productive effort is worthwhile and that similar efforts in the future will also be worthwhile.

The act of putting rational expectation – hope – into productive effort is based initially on trial and error. As demonstrated by observation and experience, it is then continued in the manner found to be most efficient.

I contend that addiction is more than chemical dependence. It is significantly, I believe, fueled by a sense of hopelessness resulting from the brutalization of our rational, reasonable expectations.

Children who are raised in emotionally-irrational or physically-violent households have their natural sense of hope altered and sometimes, sadly, destroyed altogether. Hope is similarly damaged in an adult body politic where effort goes unrewarded beyond a level of primitive sustenance and/or when participation in the political process is deemed to be futile and ineffective.

When we attempt to adjust our behavior to what we think are the demands or desires of those exerting control of our physical and intellectual environment, but those irrational behaviors continue, the ensuing sense of hopelessness – hopelessness based on rational observation – will continue and can threaten to become permanent.

The addicted personality may be able to overcome a physical addiction. However, until a sense of rational hopefulness is restored and we can believe that our thoughts and actions will have a beneficial impact on our lives, the spiritual addiction will probably not be overcome.

Dave Chapman is our guest blogger this week. Dave was born in Newark, New Jersey and grew up in the suburban town of Glen Ridge, New Jersey. He has been a shoeshine boy, a moving man, a golf caddy, a limousine driver, a truck driver, worked retail at The Home Depot, a life insurance agent, a stock broker and financial advisor. He studied the humanities and comparative literature at Ohio Wesleyan University. In addition to his motivational speaking and John Maxwell coaching affiliation, Dave is a freelance writer and teaches several classes in the Humanities as an Adjunct Professor at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute at Rutgers University. He can be contacted by email at: davechapman@wellsaiddave.com

November 5, 2015